I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
