fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
