I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Boobs are out for the taking
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
