it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
