once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
