if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
