Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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