I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize