My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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