You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dick very happy bro
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
