you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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