I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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