He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
