she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
