I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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