My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
