We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
