I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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