well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
