my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Less talking, more tequila
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
