guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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