dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
