Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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