Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
