why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
