Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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