i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
