i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
