Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
