new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
