rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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