Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
