His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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