good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
