How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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