He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
