shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
