I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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