The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize