my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
