morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
