good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize