It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
