I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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