She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
