i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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