I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
