Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
