She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
