his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
