she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
false alarm. still invincible.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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