Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
