Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
