roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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