counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
