Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
