Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Randomize
