I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this is an emotional support booty call
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
