Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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