I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
