Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
