I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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