I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
