it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
