The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
